This photo was taken from the roof of my old apartment which was above the bicycle shop I used to manage. I think this photograph vividly portrays the high points of that entire situation. It effectively encapsulates the feeling of literally sitting on top of the world… “with hemorrhoids” as Rodney Dangerfield used to say. Now don’t get me wrong, I was living it up for a while and had you asked me about how my life was going 2 years into managing the shop, I would have said AMAZING! But then slowly things began to change. Change is undoubtedly expected, but how you deal with change will ultimately determine your character. I always subscribed to the ‘do what you love and you’ll never work a day in you life’ saying, and I suppose I still do. Though now I see it a little differently, especially being that close to owning my own business… and not owning a business. There is a clear line where on one side you have people who are content and happy. They may complain but in the end their happy with where they are. They either make enough money or have found peace with their living situation or quality of life. Now, everything is on a sliding scale. What one person finds to be tolerable someone else may find completely out of the question. Both of these people can be the same person, as you grown, learn and change you may realize the things that brought you happiness no longer do. I’ve loved cycling and bicycles since I was about five years old, and love them just as much if not more now. Yet still, work is work and I was essentially a supervisor in a retail/service environment. I had to own the store without being the owner of the store. Feeling as though I’d accomplished so much, when in actuality, I’d been so far removed from that which I love so dearly.
I love riding bicycles. I love meeting people who ride bicycles. I love going out for rides and using my bicycle to enhance my instinctive travels on the paths of rhythm.
So there I was, on top of the world, and yet still was very unhappy. The only thing I could imagine was bringing me down was my inability to nurture relationships outside of work due to time constraints. Oh, it’s your birthday this weekend? Sorry I have to work. Getting a cabin upstate with the homies for memorial day? Sorry, I have to work. There’s a cyclocross race in Kissena? Can’t I have to work. This began to take a toll on my mental health. I could feel it. When you begin to resent work, there’s a problem and I wasn’t willing to continue to live like that.
So, here I am! Unemployed (for the moment) and LOVING IT! I’ve been able to ride/train on bicycle almost every day. Watch Football! Wow, it’s been a LONG time since I’ve been able to watch some football and the Raiders are coincidentally killing it! My parents arrive in four days and will be staying with my wife and I for almost a week. Life is pretty amazing right now. I’ll be flying to the Philippines on Christmas and spending some time out there as well as Bali. I’m planning on getting myself into some kind of work routine when I get back from Asia in late January. As for now I’m going to continue to work on all my independent projects. I’ll keep working with Gabe and Jason on Cat 6 Chismes. With all my newly found freedom the world may even get a glimpse of my bike shop sitcom “12 Daze of Summer.”
This has all been very interesting. I feel very alive and will continue to put my best foot forward and seek out meaningful work over then next couple of months. I’m extremely confident that I will be able to find a healthy compromise in the coming year and continue to learn and grow. For now cycling gear, music (I might even jump behind the mic), photos, podcasts, racing, buttons, I’ve got plenty going on to keep me busy while I’m out of “work”. I have time and will be around, hit me up if you’re down to pedal! I’m also going to be racing the Supercross Cup both days this coming weekend and it’s been a while so wish me luck!
That’s all for now, I hit Cunningham two days ago and then river road to the Filling Station that afternoon. Today I was supposed to ride out to the Filling Station with Shawn and caught a flat almost as soon as we got on the 9W. The lesson? Don’t be a pendejo, bring your pinhead key!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hahaha, all good! A bad day on the bike is still better than a good day on the clock.